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The king of France is ready for class.

The king of France is ready for class.

So I haven’t posted a story in a while. Apologies for that. Now that I’m back in school my attention is elsewhere. But I figure I can at least share the more amusing bits of life in grad school. So here goes.

I always dress up for one class in particular. It’s called “Formal Philosophy.” My jokes are too subtle to be perceived by the human mind.

Speaking of formal philosophy, partial meat contraction is not what it sounds like. (Think swimming on a cold day.) Largely that’s because it sounds like “partial meat contraction” but it’s actually “partial meet contraction.”

I named my new cat ‘the king of France’. Originally I was leaning towards ‘Louis XIV’, but Bertrand Russell convinced me that ordinary names are just disguised definite descriptions. I figured I might as well get it out there in the open. Bonus: ‘The king of France is bald’ is unequivocally false. Take that, Strawson.

That’s all just a useful simplification, though. Ever since I read Peter Unger I don’t know how to respond when people ask me how many cats I have. I usually just say “Many” and leave it at that. Sometimes metaphysics makes me want to slam my head into a group of particles arranged tablewise.

Dead baby jokes aren’t nearly as popular here as they were in undergrad. Yes, these jokes can be distasteful. Still, I can’t help but feel we’re missing out on a golden opportunity to combine high-brow and low-brow humor. Consider:

What do you get when you put a dead baby in a box?

Erwin Schrödinger: Plausible deniability.

Hugh Everett: What don’t you get?

B.F. Skinner: A bad case of instinctual drift.

John Searle: Proof that computers can’t think.  (C’mon, it’s as convincing as his actual argument.)

At dinner the other night we were debating some triviality or other. One of our party complained that all we’d done the whole evening was bicker over one semantic dispute after another. “I wouldn’t call this a ‘semantic dispute’,” came the objection. “It’s more of a terminological quibble.” A telling response.

I’ve had a paper accepted for publication since my last post. But you should just check them all out.


Written by fauxphilnews

October 3, 2013 at 10:34 am

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